i'm glad last week is over. it was filled with:
5 bloody noses
lots of bad news
plenty of tears
barf and queasiness
a dozen meltdowns
a dozen frustrations
heartbreak
lots of discussions
more bad news
and too many time-outs.
i can be very resilient, a survivor. but i have a breaking point, it takes much to get there, and at the culmination of my panic and stress, i break. it's my own defense mechanism, i shut down, and i let it go. i don't care anymore, because i've done all i can to remedy the situation and i relinquish control. it's peaceful and disheartening at the same time, because the defeat takes over.
it's been a bad month for us, to say the least. my efforts have abandoned me and i'm left with nothing but tears, stress and worry, which too, have amounted to nothing. i cling to my husband, my girls, and my baby. i do what i can to keep my faith from growing weak against the persistent winds. i know we'll get through this. i know there are worse things. but now, those statements bring little comfort; the fear is a reality, i cannot avoid facing it and looking past, i can only focus on getting through. not just surviving, but enduring. that is the difference. i know we will survive, but can we endure?
i hold my breath and i wait.
6 comments:
I am sorry that you have had such a hard month...you will be in my prayers.
oh diana, I'm sorry. It sounds all too familiar.
I've decided that we are allowed to mourn our sorrows, even if there are "worse things."
love from the northwest... wish it could be more.
so sorry you guys are in a rough patch right now.
you've definitely got the right attitude to get through it though. continue to cling to your family for comfort and support.
failures and trials are building blocks.
i hope things smooth out for you denton's soon.
I'm not sure if hard times are contagious, but you may have caught them from me. The good news is, it gets better.
"There is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for. ... Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
"You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it."
Paulo Coelho
Paulo Coelho
You're absolutely amazing. I don't have much else to say. I love reading the words you write. I wish I could be a writer like you...I'm not overlooking your painful situation here, but your talent to write is as incredible as you. Can you write a book for me? :)
don't hold your breath. breathe. scream, cry, curse. then pull yourself up and allow these moments to change and refine you.
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