have i already told you not to move or renovate a new home while pregnant? 'cause if i haven't, i'm telling you now... don't.
as if growing a baby isn't enough work as it is, on top of moving, and renovating, i also have a girls' camp calling, a household and two sweet little girls to look after as well and up until last week an additional young women's calling thrown in the mix as well.
i was am way in over my head.
juggling all of these things, in between bouts of queasiness (yes, i'm still fighting off nausea... it's okay, i'm used to it.) has become nearly impossible, and i have let more than just one ball drop these days. i've cancelled or no-showed at activities at least twenty times just this past month. my main goal now is to just stay afloat and most importantly pay all the bills on time and keep my children's lives as normal and happy as possible. oh and keep me and my baby healthy, too.
but lately, i've been stricken with guilt. each night as i stretch my tired body across my bed, and i find comfort in my pillow, thoughts of guilt come pouring in.
but lately, i've been stricken with guilt. each night as i stretch my tired body across my bed, and i find comfort in my pillow, thoughts of guilt come pouring in.
why didn't i play with ava more today? poor em's needs new shoes, why didn't i go buy her some? where did the time go and why didn't we get the girls in bed sooner? why couldn't we go swimming instead of running errands all day?
eventually, i start crying and finally fall asleep. i pledge to do better tomorrow, but tomorrow's already booked full of shopping trips, errands, painting, cleaning and other binding commitments. the only promising feeling is that one day, it will all be done, and we can go back to play dates at the park, lazy pajama days, playing with friends and impromptu dance parties. until then, i hope my girls will forgive us, and that maybe they aren't noticing, that maybe we're doing okay creating small moments of normalcy in their lives.
actually, we're all in need of some normalcy, so for tonight, we're taking the girls to see toy story 3, filling them with popcorn and sugary treats and getting them in bed by 8:30. and not once thinking of the busy weekend we have in front of us... at least not tonight.
hope you all have a great weekend, and a happy fourth!
now, watch this video... emaline was killing me, i had to grab my camera.
man, i love these girls.
7 comments:
LOL, I have never laughed so hard, ok I have but that was so funny. They are so like Lexi and Luke. My kids break it down and it cracks me up. Thanks for posting this :)
i had no idea em's was a stoner. so much has happened since i left.
d-since the ex-step-kids have been here i've found myself slipping and freaking out and yelling and panicking more than i have in a long time and i hate it. HATE. too many late nights have been spent counting my faults and then i remembered an old blog entry.
(i swore i would never link a blog entry of my own on someone else's blog, but blogging has morphed, kinda died and is kinda shyly resurrecting itself, so here goes.)
in this entry i quoted another that still rings true, still gives me peace and still gives me perspective. plus, what all of you smart ladies said still is some of my favorite wisdom.
hugz to you, and in less than a month, i can give you a real hug. weee!
I've found that my children forgive all sins when candy is involved.
Get some extra candy at the store and give yourself some "get out of jail free" cards.
Yeah gurrrrrlll! That was awesome.
this will be short-lived. and routines will fall back into normalcy soon.
i like ems. i have a feeling we'll be really good friends, her and i.
Their dance wa GREAT!! Kids are so adaptable, they will be just fine and appreciate all the work you have put into thier new house really soon. =)
Melatonin helps you sleep and not worry your self away. Been there, still doing it. Gets way worse when they get into school. Always busy running around. Thats why I let them ditch somedays. Just so we can hang out because its hard to fit those days in. I remember just waiting for my husband to get home because I was BORED. Man...that was way back in the day.
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